That Helpless Feeling

Somebody I love with all of my heart is struggling to breathe. She is struggling to live and there is nothing anyone can to. She is laying in a hospital fighting for her life, and unfortunately it does not look like she is going to win. I’m devastated.I feel like I am losing someone way before I should, and I am not okay, and I do not understand.

When I was a kid I thought that once you get older having somebody die doesn’t hurt as much. That I would somehow have an easier time dealing with this unfortunate part of life. But I am badly mistaken. I think it is much harder when you are older because you actually understand the magnitude of death. When this person leaves the world, I won’t get the chance to hug, love, or kiss this person for a very long time. She won’t be able to ask me about school, or guide me in making the right choices. She will just be gone, and I will be left with my memories.

I am heartbroken and feeling helpless. She had been a constant in my life since the day I was born, and loved me no matter what. She made sure that at during the biggest transition in my life, I had a room decorated specially for me so that I would feel comfortable back in my home. She taught me how to swim, bake, cook, and sew. She was the image of a Grandmother that I never got to have, and taught me so many life lessons. She means the world to me and I am not ready to live in this world without her. I don’t want to know what life is like without her.

Many times everyday I find myself begging the Lord to give her more time and stop her suffering. I pray for a miracle. I pray she will somehow get through this and be healthy again. I want to forget what the doctors say and just have hope, but I am slowing losing it.

Why are girls so mean??!!?

I’m really mad right now. So mad that I may or may not want to go give a bunch of 11 year olds a piece of my mind. Apparently that is inappropriate because they are just kids and ‘don’t know any better.’ ‘Don’t know any better’ my ass.

My sister started middle school a few weeks ago, and she really seemed to be thriving in the new environment. She seemed to love the independence of being able to walk to school alone and having her own set of keys to the house. I keep using the word ‘seemed’ because yesterday the truth came out. Through a lot of tears (I may have been crying more than she was) I found out that her time in middle school had been anything but great. In fact, she was being bullied (my word not hers) by a girl she used to call her friend. This girl had made a point of telling my sister’s locker buddy everything she hated about her. Now without making an effort to get to know my sister at all she is choosing to believe this opinion and is now being intentionally mean to her.

I understand that girls at this age are catty, but where does that come from? When is it ever okay to pick apart all of a person’s flaws and use them against them? The answer to that should be never, but unfortunately that doesn’t stop most. In fact I’ll admit that I have said mean things about people I didn’t like, but I would never do it in a way to purposefully hurt them, or in order to make other people have a negative view toward them.

So now I am not sure what to do. Do I tell my sister, who now doesn’t want to go to school because the only friend she has is also friends with these mean girls, that these girls don’t matter and to let it go? Or do I tell her to stick up for herself? I honestly have no idea. She is a sweet, weird, funny, and quirky little girl who used to be so happy, but now she isn’t. I am fiercely protective of her to the point where I would gladly go back to middle school and take her place so she doesn’t have to deal with these girls. But I don’t know what to do.

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A Greek Adventure in The Beaches

Last weekend 2 of my sisters and I went on an adventure in the Beaches. It is a pretty little part of Toronto that has a lot of really cool shops, and restaurants. When didn’t really have a plan for the day and we really just went with the flow. We had lunch at a lovely greek restaurant on the beach and just explored the area. (We also got lost because my sister decided to get off the subway way too early…)

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School.

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For some reason summer is flying by. And I am not okay with it! I honestly have no desire to go back to school. I’m excited about the learning and maybe creating some sort of a social life, but I am quite content with summer. Being home is just so much more fulfilling than being alone in a strange city. As for the education part of school, I have officially declared my major, which is exciting, but picking classes is not. I really want to just to group all of my classes into first semester so I can have a half a year break… But that is not really an option. It sucks. But I would probably die.

Middle School Monkey

My not so little, little sister is officially heading to middle school come September. Needless to say, I am not ready for this. She is my little Monkey and her growing up was not really in my plans. She is supposed to stay cute and little forever. But much to my dismay she is growing up.

It sucks. But in a way it is pretty neat. She is so smart, and clever, but at the same time still naive. A few weeks ago we were talking about what she had just learned in health class (In grade 5 they learn about the anatomy of both males and females.). Since we are the older sisters, it is our job to make sure she is comfortable and that she understand that it is okay to talk about all this stuff. Somehow we got to talking about male anatomy and she was curious about ‘tentacles’… I probably laughed for 10 minutes because she had no clue that she had the wrong word. It’s moments like these that I don’t want to correct her, but at the same time it is important for her to know that they are testicles and not ‘tentacles’. haha.

Goodness I love her. Anyway back to the point of this post, here are some pictures of her little graduation!

Dairy Queen Who? Dairy Cream is Where it’s at!

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There is this little ice cream shop just outside of Toronto that has the best soft serve ice cream ever. They also sell funnel cake, which basically means it gets my vote for the best place on earth. I was there a few weeks ago with my sisters and we were able to enjoy this piece of art. Let’s just say, between the four of us it did not last very long. In order to even snap this picture I had to shoo hands coming from every direction.